Ark Music Factory’s Newest Superstar Has ARRIVED! Meet Lexi St. George!
Oh boy! Will lightning strike TWICE?!
Now that Rebecca Black has taken her runaway sensation of a song, Friday, into superstardom, it was only a matter of time before the Ark Music Factory attempted to recreate their whirlwind success with a new, fresh-faced pop star…and here she is!
Check out 14-year-old Lexi St. George‘s music video for her new song, Dancing to the Rhythm (above)!
Apparently, she was found through a talent search by the company in a partnership with Good Morning America, and she’s actually pretty good!
And we hate to say it…but so is the song! Simple, harmless, and catchy!
We just wish that the video had all of those glorious little gem of moments like Friday had!
There’s the hint of one beginning at the 1:34 mark…but we want MORE! Ha!
AND WHERE IS THE RAP INTERLUDE?! That’s where the greatness lies!
Nice try, Ark! But only time will tell if Lexi can hold up to our beloved Rebecca!
What do U think?? Do U like Dancing to the Rhythm?
Megan Fox Did Not Cheat On David Silver When She Rode Shia’s Douche Stick
This will come as no surprise to you sluts as this is the biggest DUH excuse given to your lovah when asked about humping on someone else’s fuck parts during a BREAK UP PERIOD, but supposedly the Fox was on hiatus from licking on her now husband Brian Austin Green when she supposedly waxed LaDouche’s pocket monkey.
In response to an internet FRENZY, a nosy bitch-type (Megan texting via a prepaid ghetto phone) working on the set of the first two Transformer movies told US Weekly, “It was when Megan and Brian broke up, they had a 10-month break before getting back together.” Detective Latoya, please sit down.
On again off again relationships are somewhat familiar to me, so let me just clue you in on the five words that will save your ass in a pinch “WE WERE NOT TOGETHER THEN!” You’re welcome (it doesn’t work).
Amy Winehouse Is Tha DEBIIIIL
Or, more specifically, the White Devil. REPORTED for racism. TMZ just broke the story that some lame ass group called SwagSec who thinks they can “take back the internet” by posting rambling incoherent shit on a crackhead’s website hacked into Amy Winehouse’s official site today and spooged a bunch of hateful words all over the place (screengrab below), because they wanted to “take back the internet from the white devil.”
I take great issue with this!! First of all, Amy may not BE CHRISSSSCHUUUN but I think It’s safe to say that she’s less the Lord of Darkness and more like the Baglady or Homeless Drunk of Darkness. Pretty much harmless, really. ALSO I would like to point out that she’s more nicotine yellow than she is white. And finally, you can take something, but you can’t take it back if it wasn’t yours in the first place. The only man qualified to take back the internet is Al Gore, dumbasses.
Thanks MK
Keeping It Klassy
There’s not a lot of meat to this piece (the post or Tara) but I never pass up a chance to point and laugh at the sober and refined lady Tara Reid. Mostly because I’m JELLIZ of her many fans and glamorous, elegant, not bag-ladyesque-at-all lifestyle, as captured by this article in the New York Post.
Tara is in Atlanta right now shooting American Pie XXVI and was sashaying across the parking lot of a local Walgreens looking in no way broke-down, busted or used. She was just minding her own business, and pushing her little doggie friend Pasha whose collar is REAL AND NOT RHINESTONES thankyouverymuch along in a shopping cart, when she stopped to ask a couple of the local plebians where she could dine on fine Mexican cuisine.
Suddenly this Walgreens manager who obviously does not know WHO Tara Reid is showed up and demanded that she give them their cart back. RUDE! She informed him in a not-whiney-little-bitch voice that she was just borrowing it, but he said NO! they didn’t have that many so she snatched her posh pooch up, threw her regal nose in the air and glided away in a huff.
I can’t decide what is the best part of this scenario – that Tara has a job, that she was hijacking a shopping cart, or that she got owned by drug store manager. Why won’t the Walgreens manager let Tara be great?? Tara, you show their ass and take your business to Dollar Tree next time where they know how to treat a lady of your stature!
Looks Like There’s A New Weiner In Town!
Scandalous man pics is the new sex tape!
Every politician is doing it. It’s all the rage right now and Anthony Weiner is so last week!
New in the spotlight is Republican Joe Stagni.
The Louisiana councilman sent a racy photo of himself to a city employee with whom he shared a sexual relationship with.
Can you guess what happens next? It gets forwarded through the city computer system!
Reports say he didn’t mean for the picture in question to turn up on city servers. Well, duh! LOLz!
Stagni is trying to clear his name telling everyone he’s already asked God for mercy and forgiveness.
Don’t fret, Stagni. You’re only a few more publicity steps away from a possible book deal!
[Image via The Times-Picayune.]
Brazil Grants First Gay Marriage!
YES! YES! YES!
Brazil became the second country in South America – and the most populous in the WORLD – to recognize and perform same-sex marriages last night, after a court granted a gay couple, who had been together eight years, a marriage certificate!
AMAZING!
Such a proud day for their country!
We couldn’t be more thrilled! Step by step, progress is being made!
EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL!
Lindsay Lohan Is Drunk Again
It’s time for Delusion vs. Fact!
Delusion: Seconds after Lindsay Lohan was thrown back into the wild after completing house arrest, she told friends that she was going to have a quiet night at home with the Curious Case of Ali Lohan because she didn’t want to face the paparazzi.
Fact: Hours after Lindsay Lohan was thrown back into the wild after completing house arrest, she did the drunk bitch stumble while leaving Lexington Social House early this morning with Emile Hirsch and Lyndsy Fonseca from Nikita. The paps say Blohan was in there for 5 hours. I guess she realized that the best way to face the paparazzi is with a charbroiled drunk face.
White Oprah is going to try to say that her precious child was merely spending some quality time with her friends and she only sipped on alcohol-free bottled water, but come on. If it looks like a drunk bitch, stumbles like a drunk bitch and droops its eye like a drunk bitch, it’s a Lohan! I mean, who sits inside of a club for 5 hours while staying in a state of soberness? That’s like putting me in front of a wall of waving dicks and telling me to keep my mouth shut. It’s not in the real of any possibilities. Bitch had herself a booze bukkake orgy on her tongue and we all know it. Here we go again…
Ho is like the drunk cokehead version of Groundhog Day. LiLo wakes up, sees the shadow of a half-full bottle of Jack, downs it and BOOM! We’re off again. Get drunk, snort a line, steal some shit, end up in court, get a slap on the wrist, vow to change, cackle at the justice system, get a 50th chance, get drunk, snort a line…. Tale as old as ho’s face.
OctoMom Hates Her Babies
Some say that OctoMom made her bed of BABIES!!! so she should lie on ‘em. But after reading a supposed interview she gave to InTouch Weekly (via Daily Mail), I say that Child Protective Services needs to lay a rescue net over her BABIES!!! and drag them to a safe house far far away from OctoMom’s crazy ass.
If I had 14 kids pounding my nerves into dust with their high-pitched screeches, I’d definitely make a noose out of dirty Pampers and pray that the underworld is for 18+ only and has a strict carding policy, but this is why I haven’t push 14 fucking babies out of my anus (you know, because I can)!!!!
Here’s the words that have earned OctoMom the Most Promising Future Award from the Susan Smith Foundation:
“I hate the babies, they disgust me. My older six are animals, getting more and more out of control, because I have no time to properly discipline them. The only way I can cope is to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. Sometimes I sit there for hours and even eat my lunch sitting on the toilet floor. Anything to get peace and quiet. Some days I have thought about killing myself. I cannot cope.
Obviously I love them – but I absolutely wish I had not had them.”
There are only 4 reasons I could come up with for why OctoMom’s mouth would give birth to shit words like this:
1. This quote is a flute, CPS is a slithering snake and she’s trying to summon them out of a basket so they can snatch up her child army and this fuckery for her!
2. Octo knows that sex sells, but since her womb has crawled up to her vagina entrance and blocked it with all its might, she she has no sex to sell. So she has to sell foolery instead!
3. BITCH IS CRAZY.
4. InTouch’s creative writing department is really going for the gold.
Choosing any one of those answers will earn you an A+ since they are all completely plausible. But if bitch thinks shit is hard now, just wait until all 200 of her BABIES!!!! turn into TEENAGERS!!!!!!!! Now that is some real Suicide Watch shit!
The worst part about raising a dysfunctional and damaged child is that there’s a good chance they will give birth to another dysfunctional and damaged child when they turn 13. A dysfunctional and damaged grandchild that you will have to take care of because your dysfunctional and damaged child is too busy shooting heroin into their taint and whoring under the bridge with any trick that winks at them. Take a breath, Octo, because it could be a long ride.
Here’s Octo earning a check last night by participating in some celebrity boxing match in Philadelphia.